Friday Joke - Share your best geek one liner

This post is more than 2 years old.

So I'm not actually in a joking mood today. In fact, I'm in about as foul of a mood as I can be, but since I don't want to talk about it yet, I figure a distraction might be nice. A few days ago I was talking to a friend and shared what I thought was a pretty darn funny.

"You had me at ++"

So on reflection, it may not be as funny as I thought it was (aren't we all a lot more funnier in our own minds?), but can someone beat this? The rule is simple - it has to be one line (one phrase) and has to have some kind of geek reference to it.

Raymond Camden's Picture

About Raymond Camden

Raymond is a senior developer evangelist for Adobe. He focuses on document services, JavaScript, and enterprise cat demos. If you like this article, please consider visiting my Amazon Wishlist or donating via PayPal to show your support. You can even buy me a coffee!

Lafayette, LA https://www.raymondcamden.com

Archived Comments

Comment 1 by Will B. posted on 8/10/2007 at 4:44 PM

Funny, huh? How about:

"ColdFusion is a dead language."

Comment 2 by Rhonda posted on 8/10/2007 at 4:45 PM

There are 10 kinds of people in this world: Those who know binary and those who don't.

Comment 3 by Chris posted on 8/10/2007 at 4:46 PM

The box said Windows 98 or greater, so I installed Linux.

Comment 4 by Scott P posted on 8/10/2007 at 4:49 PM

I would love to change the world, but they won't give me the source code

Comment 5 by Stephen Moretti posted on 8/10/2007 at 4:59 PM

"To err is human... to really foul up requires the root password."

As a vague follow on from the ++ comment - here's a link a colleague gave me the other day regarding C++
"I did it for you all..."
http://www.chunder.com/text...

Comment 6 by todd sharp posted on 8/10/2007 at 5:01 PM

I'm not creative enough to think of something on my own and I've never been good at following rules...so...it's not one line but I always got a kick out of Scott Barne's footer on his blog (http://www.mossyblog.com/):

"We own this crap (Any hacking, copying, spaming, etc will result in headbutts) All trademarks property of their owners. blah blah.. . We also reserve the right to use poor spelling, terrible gramma and at times are not required to make sense. We are NOT Macromedia worshipers, Scott Barnes is in fact a monkey at a keyboard...OooO.OoO.oo?

Comment 7 by Mike Weiland posted on 8/10/2007 at 5:27 PM

In the global village there's bound to be global village idiots.

Comment 8 by KS posted on 8/10/2007 at 5:30 PM

Tis better to have debugged and lost, than never to have compiled at all.

Comment 9 by Gary Gilbert posted on 8/10/2007 at 5:38 PM

The best accelerator available for a Mac is one that causes it to go at 9.81 m/s2.

Comment 10 by Gary F posted on 8/10/2007 at 5:44 PM

I'm going for a cfdump...
...ah, that was a big cflog.

(Sorry to lower the tone, but there must be other CF'ers out there who've said that to their colleagues?)

Comment 11 by Justice posted on 8/10/2007 at 6:02 PM

In reply to yet another change request from the VP of sales, I said:

"I will always give you what you ask for, its just not usually what you want"

Comment 12 by Sid posted on 8/10/2007 at 6:25 PM

"Real Programmers don't document - it was hard to write; it should be hard to understand."

Comment 13 by Sid posted on 8/10/2007 at 6:29 PM

IDK RTFM ID10T

Comment 14 by Rich posted on 8/10/2007 at 6:44 PM

Hey Gary,

Please don't forget to CFFlush.

Comment 15 by Sam Curren posted on 8/10/2007 at 6:50 PM

chown -R us ./base

It's a re-classic, but still funny.

Comment 16 by James, F.E. posted on 8/10/2007 at 6:56 PM

Saw this in a tagline the other day -

With Windows you pay for the OS and get the T-shirts for free. With Linux, you get the OS for free and pay for the T-Shirts.

Comment 17 by Adrian J. Moreno posted on 8/10/2007 at 7:01 PM

If sudo worked IRL: http://xkcd.com/149/

Comment 18 by Tramaine posted on 8/10/2007 at 7:04 PM

Dorothy as a tech geek - "There's no place like 127.0.01, There's no place like 127.0.01 ..."

Comment 19 by Justice posted on 8/10/2007 at 7:10 PM

-sh-3.00$ %blow
-sh: fg: %blow: no such job

Comment 20 by Dustin posted on 8/10/2007 at 7:12 PM

@Tramaine - Dorthy v6:

"There's no place like ::1, There's no place like ::1..."

Comment 21 by Rich posted on 8/10/2007 at 7:21 PM

Or:

There's no place like ~

Comment 22 by Nolan Erck posted on 8/10/2007 at 7:45 PM

I've always been partial to...

"Two inventions came out of Berkeley: LSD and Unix. We don't believe this is a coincidence"

:)

Comment 23 by Sammy Larbi posted on 8/10/2007 at 7:52 PM

This made me laugh the other day, and I've been wanting to share it with someone:

"The odds of finding truly beautiful code in most production systems seem to be on par with the odds of finding a well-read copy of IEEE Transactions on Software Engineering in Paris Hilton’s apartment. "

From http://beautifulcode.oreill...

Comment 24 by Scott Krebs posted on 8/10/2007 at 8:39 PM

Two .NET developers walk into a bar, the CFer ducks...

Comment 25 by Jay McConathy posted on 8/10/2007 at 8:54 PM

One of my favorites is:

Go Away or I will replace you with a very small shell script.

Jay

Comment 26 by tony of the weeg clan posted on 8/10/2007 at 9:26 PM

awk the sed up you mothergrepper

Comment 27 by Jamie Samland posted on 8/10/2007 at 9:45 PM

A geek and his hot girlfriend...

Comment 28 by Darth Sidious posted on 8/10/2007 at 11:19 PM

These aren't jokes per se...actually they are very serious quotes by some very short sighted executives. But very humorous to look back upon...

“Man will never reach the moon, regardless of all future scientific advances.” - Dr. Lee DeForest, Father of Radio & Grandfather of Television.

“The bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in explosives.” - Admiral William Leahy, US Atomic Bomb Project Manhattan

“There is no likelihood man can ever tap the power of the atom.” - Robert Millikan, Nobel Prize in Physics, 1923

“Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.” - Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

“I think there is a world market for maybe five computers .” - Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

“I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won’t last out the year.” - The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957

“But what is it good for?” (commenting on the microchip). - Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968

“640K ought to be enough for anybody.” - Bill Gates, 1981

“This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us,” -Western Union internal memo, 1876

“The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?” in response to urgings for investment in the radio in the 1920s. ” - David Sarnoff’ Associates

“The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a ‘C’, the idea must be feasible,” - A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith’s paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. Smith went on to found Federal Express.

“I’m just glad it will be Clark Gable who falls on his face, not Gary Cooper,” - Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in Gone With The Wind.

“A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make,” - Response to Debbi Fields’ idea of starting Mrs. Fields’ Cookies

“We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.” - Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962

“Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible,” - Lord Kelvin, president Royal Society, 1895

“If I had thought about it, I wouldn’t have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can’t do this.” - Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M “Post-It” Notepads.

“Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You’re crazy,” - Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil, 1859

“Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau.” - Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929

“Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value,” - Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre, France

“Everything that can be invented has been invented.” - Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, US Office of Patents, 1899

“The super computer is technologically impossible. It would take all of the water that flows over Niagara Falls to cool the heat generated by the number of vacuum tubes required.” - Professor of Electrical Engineering, New York University

“I don’t know what use any one could find for a machine that would make copies of documents. It certainly couldn’t be a feasible business by itself. ” - the head of IBM, refusing to back the idea, forcing the inventor to found Xerox

“Louis Pasteur’s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.” - Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872

“The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon.” - Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria 1873

And last but not least…

“There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.” - Ken Olson, president, chairman, founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977

Comment 29 by Phillip Senn posted on 8/10/2007 at 11:47 PM

Interviewer asks on a phone interview: "What frameworks have you used?"
After a moments typing...
"Uh, I've used iframes before".

Comment 30 by Matt Osbun posted on 8/10/2007 at 11:55 PM

<beer>Happiness</beer>

Comment 31 by TJ Downes posted on 8/11/2007 at 12:25 AM

<cfabort>

Comment 32 by Gary F posted on 8/11/2007 at 1:03 AM

<cfcontinue>
I'm enjoying this!
(Are BlueDragon-only tags allowed?)

Comment 33 by John Ramon posted on 8/11/2007 at 6:55 AM

I'm working on my five year plan, I'm try to pick a font.

Comment 34 by adi posted on 8/15/2007 at 7:22 AM

"Two inventions came out of Berkeley: LSD and Unix. We don't believe this is a coincidence"

LSD was discovered not invented - and it was so by Dr. Hoffmann in Basel, Switzerland.

Comment 35 by Phillip Senn posted on 8/15/2007 at 9:17 PM

cfprobe