November is National Adoption Month
Every year I promise to blog this on the 1st, and every year it gets away from me. Personally, I think Time is an evil thief who must be killed at the earliest convenience, but maybe it's just me getting old. In case you weren't aware, November is national adoption month. You can read the presidential proclomation here if you are interested. I'll also pass along this nice list of highlights for the month (notice the CFM extension - and yes - it is a Model-Glue site).
Regular readers know that my wife and I chose adoption as the way to grow our family. We have three beautiful kids from South Korea. Adoption is a very special, very emotional, and very wonderful thing. If you have any questions I'd highly encourage you to ask - either myself or someone local to you.
I'll leave you with two small pieces of advice when it comes to talking to families who have adopted. First - don't ask about the "real" parents. I hate to be PC, but this is one thing that really ticks me off, as it does most adoptive parents. Obviously the person raising the child is the real parent. It's best to refer to the birth parents as the biological parents (or birth parents). Secondly - don't ask something you aren't willing to answer yourself. I've had folks ask how much I paid for my kids (yes, seriously, and to be clear, you pay for paperwork and handling, not children), ask if they are related, and ask if they knew they were adopted (gee, my kids aren't blind, and I'm a bit pale compared to them ;). Just keep it in mind. Questions about processes, wait times, how to manage costs, etc are fine.
Obviously I speak just for myself and not all adoptive parents.
I've always known that I was adopted. One of the bedtime stories my parents told me growing up was "how [they] got me". Still, growing up, I would often interchange "birth parents" with "real parents". Not as any slight to my parents, but due to deep down feelings and issues.
I could probably write endlessly on this, but I will leave it with a reminder that many, if not most adoptees use the words interchangeably at some point. If your children do, it doesn't mean they don't love you.
p.s. I apologize if this comes out convoluted, I went back and edited this like a fajillion times.
@Joe: Good point here - but I was really talking about _non_ adoptive parents/kids. Ie, the general public. I can be a lot more understanding my kids using the term than someone who isn't adopted.
I never got to hear the questions that were asked of my parents, but I do recall other kids asking questions. They wanted to know if my sister "accepted" that she was adopted and if she missed her birth mother. Adopted as an infant, she has no memory of her biological parents, and even a Korean baby among blond hair, blue eyed siblings is accepting of the only family situation she's ever known.
Thanks for sharing this...
As an adoptive parent, you can speak for me anytime! My son was born in Iowa, but is half-Cambodian and half-Mexican. I love that he doesn't look like me, it doesn't make us any less a family, although I sometimes wonder if it helps us appreciate each other a little more!
I liked your comments advising to use "birth" or "biological" parent rather than "real" parents. I always suggest that terminology when answering peoples questions although we sometimes shorten it to Bio-Mom and Bio-Dad. LOL
Thanks for sharing about this topic!
Suze